Ah BaO... gone...

haha.. friends?

2008-03-31T13:26:00.003+08:00

Now then I realised so many ppl
in church have been helping that
person and her friend out..
Guess I really cant be so calm
anymore..

even all the girls are helping
them out.. fuck them.
Smiling at me on sundays but
doing things to betray me.
Fuck them all.. those that tagged
at her blog.
U guys deserves shit.

mixed up...

2008-03-30T21:12:00.003+08:00

Why are things so screwed up...
I cant hate the things I want to hate,
Neither can I love the things I want to love..
It's almost impossible to have so many diff
kinda emotions together but seems like
I can do that, which I dont want to.

It's weird cause
There's a hole in my chest,
where my heart used to be..
And someone out there yanked it out,
without even caring that she did it.

Every time, i'll be hoping and waiting to
see her, even though she may not even care..
But after seeing her, I feel so confused...
Should I be hating? Loving? Ignoring?
Just cant seemed to decide what is it i
really want to do..

Things will never go my way..
Guess i just have to live with it,
with all these problems and emotions
I'm bearing, I'll be walking alone..
hahaha..
ah bao's speaking nonsense again..
Being his old usual emo self..

rainy days..

2008-03-29T00:25:00.003+08:00

After so many posting of unnecessary things,
guess it's time I really blog something appropriate.
Like My lil sister in church, we both hope that the
person making us unhappy leave asap.

Had a long weekend this week, and so thur i went
to the airport with my cousins to fetch my Ah Yi,
who just came back from Israel... But i dont think
it's quite an exciting place to be, though there's
lotsa history bout Jesus there. Had Popeye again,
and didnt really find it nice le.. still lose to KFC!

After that went to Ah yi hse for the night, and
San jie and I were like playing Wahjong from Viwawa
till 12+am before she decided to sleep. She loves
mahjong a lot.

It's Friday! and guess what? I'm Having Facial today!
was at the office till around 5pm, playing games...
dvds.. blah blah blah.. then I went to the hotel room
to meet the beautiful beautician, who will be doing
facial for my so beautiful face.. zzzzzz
Well, every facial treatment, need to apply lotsa
products, which I dont even have an idea what is it..
but it's painful when the blackheads are being squeezed
outta ur face.. Trimmed my eyebrows too.
Just loveee doing facial.. It's the only kinda relaxation I
will enjoy. HA!

Well, she can go screw around with those guys..
Like xiao mei said, I should learn to forget too.
and I'm doing that now. Wish me success..

Life can only be understood backwards,
But you must believe forward...

fuck..

2008-03-26T15:51:00.002+08:00

She's just fucked up.. that bitch.
Go and fucking put whatever password u
fucking want. Go and enjoy that lil private
session with u and that fucked up jx...
FUCK U!
GOD DAMN IT.....

Insane Mode...

2008-03-26T06:02:00.002+08:00

In this world, there's only 2 main feelings/emotions.
Love & Hate..
These 2 are also the main things that caused so much
happiness and sadness in this world.
Tell me about true love and i'll laugh at you.
How many couples have u ppl seen breaking up?
In this world, only 5% of the population achieved
true love. 95% of the population have either been
hurt by love, Never been loved, or are sadists.

I used to believe so much about love..
The good things it can give couples, the happiness
it can spread around.
But now, I'm trying real hard to kick it out of my
life. Cause love aint really that good. I was totally
ruined recently just because of that simple yet
evil word.

For now, I only believe in one thing...
If I wasnt born to love, I exist only just to destroy.

..

2008-03-26T06:00:00.003+08:00

Anyway, if u guys dunno who's the person i've been
mentioning in my blog for the past few months,

check this out..
http://www.over-her-rainbow.blogspot.com

fuck again.

2008-03-26T05:50:00.003+08:00

Everything in her mind is just about that person,
and there's even another one, but i just dont have
the chance to meet him. Thought he'll be attending
mich's and steph's birthday, but guess he was too
afraid to go, or whatever other reason he may use
to cover up.

There's only 1 person i'm aiming to destroy now,
and that person has been in my way since the day
he became friends with her.
and I will do my best to succeed it, no matter what
kind of ways i'll be using.
Now i just need to ask a favour from someone to
help me with that..
Pray that I will finish everything soon.

Killing Spree...

2008-03-25T11:58:00.002+08:00

I sure hope I am able to meet those that
are CLOSE to her now, and just finish them
off asap. Cant really stand the fact that they're
actually living on this planet and hope they
will be going to hell instead of heaven..

If there's a chance I can see them, or
someday when I can find where they are,
I'll really give them hell... I'll make sure
they wont be able to be close and speak to
her again.

All i need is a chance to see them..
Help me father, to banish the evil from
this place.
Amen.

Love the hate, Hate the love...

2008-03-20T00:54:00.004+08:00

Guess I've almost succeeded in trying to
forget the main thing that's making me
so upset, but it'll still sometimes pop up
in my mind.. Well let's hope i get over with
it soon, cause I'm exploding....

With the 101 failures i've achieved for the
past 23 years of life, I really wonder how
many success did i really have.. Maybe 1,
Maybe none..
But it all doesnt matter now,
cause i'll be home with the Lord soon..
and everything that those ppl strive so
hard to achieve, will come to waste..
For what they strived, has nothing to
do with pleasing the Lord...
They're only doing things, studying,
so hard just for themselves..
So they should be damned..
Yeah that's right..
To the gates of helll.....
Hallelujah.

Living zombie...

2008-03-18T13:49:00.004+08:00

Guess everybody's happy with their own life,
and there's not a need for me to interrupt too.
saying anything more is not necessary anymore..
only the liquid flowing out from the organ that I
use to see, will refresh myself...

It's painful to me only..
Coz there's other boys there for her.
But it's ok..
I'll just live with all the different kind
of emotions and feelings by myself..
I was born that way and guess it will
be that way..

To everybody who keep asking me
why do I get angry sometimes,
why do i hate some boys in church,
why do i ignore that person..

The answer is very simple..
I get angry because I'm still jealous..
I hate them because they're getting too close to her.
And I'm ignoring that person because I dont want to hurt, and get hurt again..

I'm not really angry at u guys for asking me these questions
when we go out.. I just dont really know how should I
answer at that point of time..
Cause this matter has affected me a lot a lot.

Hope you guys will understand.

Best friends? Fuck u!

2008-03-17T19:03:00.002+08:00

2 of my best friends in church are having a
very big problems recently, and i've been
trying all I can to help..
But some ppl who also take them as best friend,
didnt even bother to lift a finger to help,
but instead go and spend the time helping some
boy in church.. sounds totally fucked up right?

but just too bad...
some people are just this way..
Not everyone can say best friends and treat
them like one...

Most of the people are only best friends in
your good times.. You're considered the worst
friends when you're going through the bad time..

Just fuck those ppl..
Cant believe they keep hanging the word
friends on their mouth..

Fuck!

2008-03-12T23:53:00.002+08:00

A lot of things are going through my mind
these few weeks, and it has been a very
upset and disappointed time for me..

Firstly, 2 of my best friends just broke up,
and i'm really feeling very upset about it.
WHY am i so? because the reason for
this break up is totally too fucked up...

Secondly, is because of the same problem
that has always been affecting my life..
and I'm trying very very hard to get
it out of my fucking brain. I want to punch
somebody, I want to kick somebody,
I want to kill somebody...

Thirdly, Women...
I Dont Really understand why is it that
girls like to put on make up so much when
it's better to look natural.. Do they really like
showing others a FUCKING FAKE FACE???
Putting substances of plants and insects on their
Faces??? I Have a friend In My Church Called
Steph, and She's like the prettiest in church,
and one of the prettiest girl i ever met... WHY??
Coz she RARELY uses MAKE UP!!... Seeing such
a genuine and real face is what it all matters..
Keep up the good work Steph! Dont ever try
to be like other fakers.. You'll turn bad like them..

Fourthly, Fucking Humans...
I Dont know why is it that these fucking
stupid humans need so much knowledge
for?? Aim to have this aim to have that..
Want degree, want masters... FUCK!
WHY ARE HUMANS ALWAYS NEVER
SATISFIED?? WHY THE FUCK DO THEY
NEED TO GET THIS GET THAT??
GOD HAS INDEED FUCKING REGRETTED
CCREATING SUCH STUPID LIVING THINGS..
EVEN A DOG CAN BE BETTER THAN A MAN.

tiring

2008-03-11T00:41:00.002+08:00

It's very painful
It's very tiring..
To do what I'm doing now
To forget all of it....

But I have to do it
for a better tomorrow..
Cos I aint want any more trouble
like what I had before..

I feel so upset doing it...
But it's all for you.
All u think is only bout him,
so i'll rather forget you once again.

wah...

2008-02-28T19:31:00.000+08:00

LEO - THE SEX MANIAC
(7/23-8/22)

Very talkative. Nice to everyone they
meet. Their Love is one of a kind.
Silly, Fun and SEXY. Have own unique
appeal. Irresistible. Most caring
person you'll ever meet! however not
the kind of person you wanna mess
with...they will kick your ass... u
might end up crying...

Is it true or not ah?
Sex maniac?
Dont think anybody will know..
hahahahah

But that's right..
I wanna kick some ASs!!!

when you're gone...

2008-02-26T21:06:00.002+08:00

Cant help but to think about that person
all the time.. I'm not good at words and
I tend to speak without thinking so I always
pissed her off terribly.
But all in her mind, is just another person..
I was replaced long long ago, and i shouldnt
have resurfaced..

She doesnt understand me anymore.. not a single
bit. She knows I'm always rash and impulse,
but she dont know the real thing inside me..
She knows me as a person who always talk
rubbish, never serious, angry easily.. all the bad
things..
But all the good things i've done for her in the past,
have already been lost.. Just like it never even happened
before.. Guess human only love to look at the bad things
instead of the good ones..

I'm so envious of ppl without human emotions..
Though it's like 99.9% impossible to live without
emotions, I would still put my faith in that 0.1%..
because like what i always say.. This world is too
hurting, and full of misery and disappointments.

From now on, I wont mention the word Love again.
It's too painful to even think about it, let alone
saying it out.. This word is carved on my hands,
and on my hands it shall always be..
I put it there to remind myself, that to love.. is not
best at talking, but best at doing... With my mouth
I can only talk.. But with my hands, I can do it out..
This Love carved on my hand shall always be a
reminder to me that Love has to be carried out..

Let me say this for the last time... unfortunately..
I still love her..
Good bye

Birthdays..

2008-02-25T00:21:00.005+08:00

Bang bang.. I shot her down once again..

-=(Happy birthday Pang and Chris)=-

Well, today we did quite a lot of things.
Firstly we played games in church, and a lot of
people got their asses cracked.. hahaha
Cut the cake, chit chat here chit chat there..

Then went to Bukit Timah for pool session,
dunno whose idea also.. but i'm glad they
all had fun there. Some were even laughing until
whole place was affected. hahaha

After playing, some went for family dinner..
some went home.. while Shi, Pang and Me
went to Jurong entertainment Centre, (place of bad memories)
for the movie, *L Changes the World...

The movie was awesome, and i like La lot a lot..
So damn clever la he..cute also.

Guess what we did after movie? we were like
walking around and around that area,
until we decided to go to a very very special place which
not many people are allowed to go in at night...
the SCIENCE CENTRE!!! Even though it was closed
at nite, we still somehow managed to have some fun,
with the help of the advanced technology...
the amazingggg C A M E R A!!!
zzzzzz

But after that we just went off in different ways
back home.. So glad I managed to have some fun
that day. and of course, with the help of one
very special person.. who I'm trying to ignore,
but failed always.. Guess whooo..haha

pang trying to act like L.. Missy 'L'

just love my very cool t-shirt from options

tadah... 3 Musketeers!

i look the prettiest dont i?

guidance on how to be like 'L'
presenting... cute but not clever 'L'!

hahahahahahaha

I designed this... Scary right?

Tadah!!!

A very big and complicated Box of balls..

can tell how much she loves this Science centre..

weird expression.. too happy?

Pang trying to dance gracefully...

they love the Pharoah's beard a lot..

This time, i shot both of them down le!

Am I too tall? Cause I cant see my head... =.=

I look like i wanna eat pang up.. zzzz

I Really wanna eat her up! and she's still so happy..

Photographer = Ah BaO... zzzz Nice Right!

Beard again..

lalalalalalala...

forgotten

2008-02-22T23:50:00.002+08:00

She can do whatever she wants,
anything that she will be happy..
I wont be interfereing her life anymore,
neither will I talk to her again..
so please do not mention her name
in front of me..
I'm serious..

Monday, without the Bluess...

2008-02-19T00:24:00.004+08:00

Today I was quite excited, because I can finally

watch the movie I always wanted to watch,

and with the person I want to watch with too.

This movie was quite funny, and romantic!
those who said that it was boring definitely dont have
much human emotions.. zzzzz
If i knew I were dying, I hope i can do something similar
for the one I loved too.. hahaha.. nonsense again rite!

Anyway after movie went to IMM's cafe cartel for dinner,
and food there was quite ok, and not so ex too..
At least we still enjoyed ba.. THEN! when going home,
That PERSON wanted to GO my HOUSE to SEE my DOG!
I said NO a thousand times and she just kept shaking and
Sa Jiao-ing until I finally gave up... zzzzzz

blah blah blah.. sent her home, then went home,
same old routine as the past... hahaha..
But I still had a happy day. Thanks to her.

Valentine's Happy?

2008-02-13T21:33:00.002+08:00

Who's really happy on valentine's day?
Only those Married, Engaged, Attached...
Cause I think that those single people who goes
out in a group on that day aint really happy too..
Because deep in their hearts, they'll also be
envious of loving couples walking down the
street, having bouquets of flowers in their
hands, and having a very romantic dinner,
or night somewhere which belong to a world
just of the two of them...

I had this feeling just once, after living in this
world for 22 years.. and I still feel good at least
I had 1, and that 1 may be the only Valentine,
that I'll be spending for this lifetime..
Sometimes when U realised u aint doing that
much for ur loved one, Valentine's the day
to do something EXTRAVAGANT for him/her...

It was the day I received a very special book,
the BLACK BOOK from someone...
I can tell U that Everyone of you will be surprised
how much effort and time, and crazy ideas were
put together into the creation of that limited edition
book. Oh and there were alphabetical PASTAS
stuck on that book too.. haha

Together with the BOOK, there was this big blue
box, filled with all sorts of things.. Small bottles
filled with small pieces of love poems and love
seeds, a card which was overfilled with words...
lots and lots of things... I can confirm with u that
she really went overboard much further than me.
Just by reading through the BLACK BOOK,
it's already enough to tell u how special it was,
how she felt at that time...

Now, every valentine's day...
I'll take out that BOOK and read it very
carefully again, because even though the
author doesnt have the feelings anymore,
but the BOOK still carries all the feelings she
had.. and I feel so blessed.. just by reading it.

I will NEVER throw the BLACK BOOK away..
I want to SHOW it to EVERYONE I can..
It makes me feel proud that i had such a good
girl before, but sad also because i was the one
who let her down...

Wish You all a very Happy Valentine's Day guys..
I really wish everyone of u out there, whether
are u on good terms or bad terms with me..
I still sincerely wish u a Very Very Happy Valentine's day..
treasure the one u love, and dont ever live to regret it..
=)

Definition for F R I E N D S..

2008-02-13T00:10:00.001+08:00

Sometimes it really makes peolpe wonder...
What are friends? How do U have them,
and how to differentiate them..
Whether is this person trustworthy,
reliable... or just a person who only
cares for their needs...

How do u see your CLOSE friends as?
Someone u can have fun and enjoy together
with? Someone who can share all ur happiness
with? Or would it be someone That u can
share EVERYTHING with..

As far as friends are concerned, I have not
really met someone who can reach that level
yet.. Because everybody's selfish in one
way or another. A lot of ppl will always
be afraid of some consequences if they
help their friends, and choose not to help
them.. So do u label these ppl as cowards?
or selfish? That's what all humans are..
That's the way they're born..
That's why they're called HUMANS...

There's several group of friends that I categorised..
1. Selfish
2. Self-centered
3. Shares only your joy, not sorrow..
4. Loyal, Brothers
5. Shares everything with u, good and bad..
6. Advices U when u do something wrong..
7. Keep quiet when u do something wrong..
8. Have the courage to try to protect u from harm.
9. Run away first when troubles come...

a lot a lot more...
but i just put these few main ones ba..
So try to think of which group u belong to.
You'll be surprised, or maybe not.

I'm still tolerating because i still take them
as friends.. But one day when I stopped considering
them as friends, i wont hold anything back..
Dont blame me, Dont hate me..
for this is the result, they asked for.

maybe i'm bullshitting, maybe i'm not..
but when times comes, we'll see a lot..

blah blah blah..
Hope Christ will bring judgement soon
before I bring it myself.
hahaha

How true...

2008-02-11T23:44:00.000+08:00

LEO - The Boss ~ ( July 23 - Aug 22 )
Very organized. Need order in their lives - like being in control. Likes boundaries. Tend to take over everything. Bossy. Like to help others. Social and outgoing. Extroverted. Generous, warm-hearted. Sensitive. Creative energy. Full of themselves. Loving. Doing the right thing is important to Leo's.

Not many ppl can be a leo...
If u read carefully, it's kinda hard being a leo..

Good Christians, Bad Christians...

2008-02-11T10:03:00.000+08:00

Last Sun was totally one of the worst..
I wonder do people go to church really
for the motive of God or just to chit
chat with friends..
If there are friends who will just
stay outside and rather chit chat,
they aint good friends who will bring
u closer to Christ...
Didnt expect someone to behave the same
way as them..

You're one of the older ones... dont
follow the younger ones when they do
wrong, but to bring them back to the
right way....

Ah Bao Is Dead..

2008-02-09T23:11:00.000+08:00

Been quite busy for the past 2 days..
Went grandma's hse, then somewhere and somewhere..
lazy to explain le. hahaha...
But I spent the nite at my another cousin's place,
with Sandy and Gabriel.

Collected some ang pows as usual, blah blah blah..
same old stuffs.. eat eat eat...
Today went out with Ah girl and Sandy to watch
the AH LONG show, and it's quite hilarious.. mainly
because of Mark Lee's Speech.

After movie we went to heeren walk walk, and while
I was shopping for a shirt, i came across a TAIWAN
sales girl.. who kept talking to me and asking me
some stuffs, but I didnt have enough time to leave my
number with her as her boss walked in shortly. haha
Though it's only a short while, but i still feel good
that there's some people who's willing to make friends
with me.. Wahahahahah

At night went over to Da jie's place to EAT AGAIN...
zzzzzz and her place was over crowded... Know what's
the best part? Her Baby Boy ZANE Cried and wanted to come
to me when I was leaving her place... Again I felt so
wanted.. hahahahaa

the end.... lame

funny..

2008-02-06T10:48:00.000+08:00

it's amusing how people complain about
other people when they themselves are doing
what the other people are doing...

humans...

pathetic beings..

misses...

2008-02-02T23:44:00.000+08:00

this song means so much to me....

Back from da Jungle...

2008-02-02T09:23:00.000+08:00

really wanna shoot you down...

Tired, Stressed, break down...

nothing much to share anyway..
just basically all about jungles....
i really want to control my emotions
but keep failing to do so.. whenever I
see something making me very unhappy
i'll be filled with so much anger I feel
like exploding....

Nvm.. I'll just continue and wait till
the day I explode.. But i wont explode
on the wrong ppl.. so dont worry..

terrible feelings..

2008-01-27T23:54:00.000+08:00

Ever since i made that promise, i've been trying very hard not to break it.. and till now, i'm still able to keep it.. that is not to contact 1 person anymore unless it's very necessary.. Though it's very tough for me to do, I know that making and keep this promise will let that person live happily again, and that's all I want.. I dont mind not speaking to her even till the day I die, as long as that person's happy..

These feelings are really very very weird, or should I say uneasy.. But as my friends in church talked to me and discussed with me, I felt that it was necessary to do so. Because I cant continue making things worse for that person... I really dont want to.

But things really matters a lot on the way we look at it.. for several past few days, i've been worrying bout going to tekong for 5 days, not going home, not going to the outside world.. But after thinking bout it and trying to change my mindset bout it, I felt more easy now.. as in I dont mind going to tekong anymore.. Cause going there may help me straighten out my thoughts, and it aint really a bad thing after all.

Today Dan passed my some of his books for O levels, (Thanks Dan!) and I'm intending to take my Os either this or next year... I want to study study study, because girls nowadays are more interested in ppl who have future... Not in ppl who are the happy-go-lucky type.
and I'm really pondering and worrying bout how to do my Os in army, self-study sucks...
Anyone has any good advice or what can feel free to tell me.. Appreciate it Lots!

tekong!!

2008-01-27T22:30:00.001+08:00

this morning was quite pissed off...
everytime our cg will never have full attendance,
not just because of ming they all...
but some ppl just reached but dont wish to go up..
if your heart's not with the cg, then cancel ur name off it...
dont force urself there...

going back to tekong this week for 5 DAYS!!!
MON-FRI!! Arghhhhhh.....
Damn sad..
No more Msn, No more Blog...
i'm soooo dead..

Feel free to sms me k!!
feel so weird today.. dont know why..
byebye

complicated?

2008-01-27T08:05:00.000+08:00

I've been realising that there are a lot of ppl in this world who like to try to be complicated in the things that they do.. It's like they dont want to be simple and ordinary, they just want to try to be a bit special compared to others.. I still dunno why do ppl wanna act that way, but trying to act complicated sure made them look sucky... especially on what they wear, and the things they keep trying to do..

A lot of ppl dunno that simple and sweet is the best style that many ppl adore.. But nowadays ppl dont do that.. they like to wear things that made them so very complicated, so very the weird. Like wearing necklines, or high boots, seriously dunno what they're thinking...
Coz I've always seen SOME of my friends in church who like to wear simple, and they always looked the best compared to those trying to act special...
Just dont understand what are these ppl tryna do.
Maybe they think that it made them look good?
Absolutely a no...

Life's so fragile..

2008-01-23T23:56:00.000+08:00

Came across Jack Neo's blog, and read about the late MC King.

He's such a good comedian, and I saw him on tv since small,

and I never got bored of him de.. but he just went off like that..

Life's really like a paper... Say go means go de..
No U-turning, Not even time for regretting.

But for me, I'll be very happy if my time come soon...
Coz my pain in this world has finally ended.

Okok.. lemme distribute the stuffs u guys have to do for me

when i've left this world...

Ming - Scatter my ashes over the sea.. (That's what i always wanted)

Dan - Play the song "Kan Gua Eh Chiu" at my wake...

Shi - Help me consolidate my family....

Wei - Help out at my wake...

The rest of the youths - Just be there if u want to.. I dont wan ppl coming to my wake just because the rest are going...

The above mentioned are very serious to me, and I hope none of u will joke about it...

I hope this small favour, u all can help me with...

Thanks

alone at night...

2008-01-23T23:02:00.000+08:00

everytime when it comes to night, my brain will be super full of things.. not that it's empty during the day time, but it's like full house at night... Everything, good or bad will be zooming in to my brain, and i'm like having a 100 terabytes memory... and I can tell u, 99% of it are all bad things.... cause in my life, good thing only happen once a blue moon... while bad things happen every sun rise...

Everytime I tell my friends i wanna die, they'll like take it as a joke and say they will wanna die first or what.. some will even scold me for keep saying those rubbish. But how many of them really do understand me well enough to know that I'm serious bout what I've said? Many of them doubt me, but it's ok.. Not everyone have a life like me anyway.. They have happy families, good friends, good sisters and brothers... they have basically everything that's needed.. that's why they dont understand my life ... they will never do.

I've tried eating soap when I was in prison.. but that tastes bad.. I've tried banging my head on the wall hard, but my skull is so thick, it only hurt a bit... That's why I usually carry a pocket knife with me around, because I've cut myself before... I know it's the easiest and simplest way to destroy myself.. haha... for some people who keep wondering why do I carry a pocket knife around, dont worry... it's not for cutting other ppl up. I dont NEED a KNIFE to cut those i hate.. I can just own them with my bare fists...

But comparing my fists with other ppl brains, I'm totally the useless one... almost 100% of my church friends has at least an O lvl now, and most of em a diploma.. some are even gonna take degree soon.. and me? I have such a Wonderful N level, i really dunno how to talk to them when they start a topic on educational lvl, and achievements... They'll be like, "Oh when are u gonna finish ur dip, or when are U gonna take ur degree?"... when they have this kinda discussion, i really feel like not worthy to be in this group, i really felt like dying right there... Even ppl younger than me 3-4years are doing so much better than me...

feel so tired everyday... dunno what's happening, but I wasnt like this before.. i can even sleep at 1-2am.. but I feel so tired even just at 10+Pm. Guess my brain's been overworked le. really hope one day I will get brain damage or what so I can forget every single thing that has happened to me.. Because non of them are worth remembering, they only bring pain to me..

I seriously dont know how to improve my life.. Not especially when i'm now in God damned Ns..
It's totally ruining my life, and I cant even have enough to spend... let alone savings.
I cant do well in relationships, in studies, friendships.... U name it, I cant do it...
This name Ah Bao is really being totally ruined by me. I have no idea who am i anymore.
I've been waiting for someone to hold my hand again, to be there for me... but I cant find her, no matter how long i spend, how much i did.. Probably I was meant to be alone, and not to have any love at all...

God is indeed playing me around... Why cant He take away all my mortal feelings and love... The most cruel thing in this world is not the devil or gangsters or robbers... It's a simple word called LOVE. Gangsters became gangsters because they wanted love from their so called brothers.. It's because of this word that made millions of people suffer.. It's because of this word that made this pathetic world what it is now.. It's because of this word, that destroyed my life.

well that's all for now...
tired of life,
tired of typing too..

cowards again

2008-01-23T19:09:00.000+08:00

haizz.. some ppl are just either brainless or
useless... tagging on shi's blog using her name..
are u like trying to ruin her name or what?
Coz i always believe that no matter what u do,
u should have the courage to admit and own up..

But i dont see ppl doing that.. they do a lot a lot
of shit but just keep quiet or push to other ppl.
God didnt give u courage to keep it or what...
Seriously if you're a christian, u should go and
bang ur head on the wall or what..
I'm not angry with that person, but just find that
person very amusing...
coz he/she's doing a thing that only sec sch kids
will do..

well, in the end, it's still that person who has to learn
to own up his/her own mistakes...
If i know who that person is, i wont go and beat up
him/her.. I'll just mock and laugh at that person..
coz he/she is really amusing...

The last episode..

2008-01-22T22:56:00.000+08:00

Today everything ends here...
right now..

she's just a changed person,
and she's still changing a lot.. cant take jokes,
dont want to talk to ppl with weird names on
her tag... i think someone's behind it..
but i wont do anything... i cant do anything..

i'll just wait and see...

another person

2008-01-22T06:28:00.000+08:00

Every morning when i wake up, she'll be in
my mind, my heart and I want to let her know
that it has been like that for a very long time.
Maybe becoz some days I'll have nightmares of
her chasing me with a chopper or baseball bat..
zzzzz speaking about sweet dreams, I seldom
had one... rarely..

Since the day i've started talking to her again,
she's been saying she's not who she used to be..
She told me she's changed into another person,
and that if i dont wish to get hurt i'd better stay
away from her..

But i really dont like what she said... because all
these that she said are just only for putting up
a strong front.. Everyone of us knows that we cant
change our own nature.. she still has the old 'her'
inside her, but she's just trying to surpress it so
that no one will see it, and also that she wont get
hurt again..

I really wanna give in to her all the way, but she's
getting too overboard. Everytime i get angry with
her over some things that she did, I'll ignore her
or just scold her... then she'll tell me this...
"forget it.. I'm not anybody to you anyway"..
The fact is, she IS somebody to me, but she just
dont want to BE that somebody to me.. she just
wants to do things her way too, and i really dont
understand what is it she really wants when she ask
that question.. haiz..

well now we're like quarrelling again, because of
what happened last nite.. and from now on i'll
just let her do what she wants. maybe that'll help
her to recover better ba...
if that's what she wants, i'll give it to her..
i'm not anybody to her anyway..

it hurts..

2008-01-20T23:28:00.001+08:00

Being mentally and emotionally tortured
by someone you really love is so painful..
They can do things which they like, and
not thinking bout the other person of what.

No one knows what I'm saying or how
i'm feeling... but it's ok.. No one treat u guys
that way. I'm the only one feeling it...
ahahha

Happy Birthday Dan..

2008-01-19T05:27:00.001+08:00

[Post deleted due to some construction]

A Necessary Autumn Inside Each

2008-01-18T14:25:00.000+08:00

You and I have spoken all these words, but as for the way
we have to go, wordsare no preparation.
There is no getting ready, other than
grace.

My faultshave stayed hidden.
One might call that a preparation!
I have one small dropof knowing in my soul.
Let it dissolve into your ocean.
There are so many threats to it.

Inside each of us, there’s continual autumn. Our leaves
fall and are blown outover the water.
A crow sits in the blackened limbs and talks
About what’s gone. Then
your generosity returns: spring, moisture, intelligence,
the scent of hyacinth and roseand cypress.

Joseph is back! And if you don’t feel in
yourself the freshness of
Joseph, be Jacob! Weep and then smile.

Don’t pretend to know
something you haven’t experienced.
There’s a necessary dying, and then Jesus is breathing again.

Very little grows on jagged
rock. Be ground. Be crumbled, so wild
flowers will come up
where you are. You’ve been
stony for too many years.
Try something different. Surrender.

adapted from jadeli

handphones...

2008-01-18T14:16:00.001+08:00

just simply get pissed off easily by ppl who dont reply sms, answer calls, or dont even give a damn about the person looking for them...

If u dont want to reply or answer, then What's the use of carrying a phone around?
You know what's respect? if u dont, come tell me..
I'll teach u what's that..

pissed...

2008-01-18T07:25:00.000+08:00

just woke up, and after reading someone's blog,
i felt pissed off.. dont know why, my own feeling ba.

Like what she always tell me, it's not all about me..
Doesnt mean I dont like then Ppl have to change.
I've got it, and this time i'll change..
I'll just stop reading her blog anymore so that she can
do whatever she want, blog in whatever f***ing lang
she wants..

How i wish chinese will extinct from this world soon...
so unnecessary..

to love or not to love...

2008-01-17T22:32:00.000+08:00

sharing with u ppl some love quotes...

"When you love someone, thinking about them is just like breathing.
You do it without thinking, and you do it all the time."

"If you wake up in a red room with no doors or windows, don't worry, you're just in my heart."

"Happy is the man who captures the first love of a woman, but happier is the woman who captures the last love of a man."

"They say a dream is your heart's desire. I have yet to dream of anything but you."

ok.. i'm going to stop all my useless thinking before i gets any more emo..
haha.. being emo is just my forte. but i really dun want to have it.
I want to be a person with no feelings, with no human nature...
soo unnecessary..
bye

A Second Chance by Crystal Lynn Galloup

2008-01-17T22:21:00.000+08:00

You were the one thing I last expected that day, but you were also the one thing I needed. I swear I felt you before I ever saw you. You were a breath of fresh air, a warm breeze that caressed my face, sending waves of pleasure from my head to my toes. Shaking my vary being from the inside out. Then you spoke, a few short words that sent a rush of a thousand memories through my mind. I saw you again, through my heart's eye. The last time I saw you, the last time we embraced. The time I let you go, and watched you in awe as you flied free like a bird, stretching your wings and dancing with the sun, moon, and stars, tempting them with you beauty. I set you free once, and I let you take my heart with you in all your travles. Now you both are back, and I find myself unable to ignore this second chance God has so gracefuly granted us. Please, don't waste this chance of a life time. Don't let this fragile gift slip out of your hands. Most people only get one chance at love. We were given two. Embrace this chance, charish this gift. When you are ready I will be here to help you explore it's marvolouse possibilities.

life's full of downs.. not ups...

2008-01-17T21:47:00.000+08:00

When a person's heart is stoned, no one can break it open....
not with any amount of effort or care or concern..
That is how i feel now, becoz i've tried doing all i can,
and it didnt help.. not even one bit.

haha... people must be wondering how foolish and thick
-skinned I can be. I was the one who let her go that easily,
and now I'm like doing so many things, good and bad..
Just because of some change..
Sometimes I find the human heart and brain very hard
to predict too. it can bring so much joy and happiness,
but it also can bring along misery and the feeling of being
so broken, so lost and so lonely...
My heart has been torn apart again, and it hurts so badly..
Sadness isnt painful.. It's trying not to feel sad that hurts.

Many things can be done on the pretext of concern...
the way I show concern, i can say is almost 70% wrong..
I showed concern more on the unnecessary things than
on her.. I kept saying I concern her, but It's actually all
bullshit when I think it over... I've been causing more hurt
than care to her, and i really dont know how to do the right
thing... She's just totally locked up, and nothing I ever do
will matter to her anymore.
This time, i really regretted what i did.. but it doesnt matter
anymore.. everything that needs to come to an end, will
naturally come to an end...

Now, i'll really keep a distance with her.. I think that's what
some of the youths in Lcor wanted too. They hated me for
always causing pain and hurt to her. They hated me for
bringing her so much sadness. I'm sorry, I just tend to show
my feelings too much.... Well, that's a characteristic of a LEO
guy too.. I really dont want this characteristic, but I cant deny
it.. hope u guys will understand me.. thanks

Remain in Him

2008-01-16T22:57:00.001+08:00

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in Me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from Me you can do nothing” (John 15:5 NIV).

Have you ever thought about the relationship between the branch and the vine? We don’t use these kinds of word pictures very much anymore, but think about it–if the branch is not attached to the vine, it withers and dies. The branches’ very life depends on it being attached to the vine. The same thing happens if we try to operate in this life without Jesus. Without Him, we can do nothing. We are cut from our life source. But when you remain in Him, by daily connecting with Him through prayer, worship, and study of the Word, then your life will be fruitful. You’ll walk in joy and blessing. I love that this verse says “much fruit”, which means you will have an abundant harvest in your life. God doesn’t want you to just barely get by. He wants to overwhelm you with His goodness. Remain in Him today. Choose to make Him top priority, and you’ll see His hand of blessing operating in every area of your life!

- Joel Osteen

AVP 2

2008-01-15T22:09:00.000+08:00

Today went out with a "Sister" of mine... I asked her out

cause she just broke up, and I think she needs someone to talk to ba.
However, she seems fine and good when I met her at the train station
Think she's only trying to act strong la..

Anyway we went bugis to catch AVP2, cause it was the only nice movie
that's showing now, and overall i think it's bad, compared to AVP part 1.
AVP2 only has 1 predator attacking so many aliens...

Rating 6/10

This sister of mine is real cute... I can rest my hand on her shoulders, I can be lame with her... and well she's a lame one too.. Then she'll like panick when I dont reply to what she say, and I'm like Omg What I do??? hhahahahhaha... Think She's too paranoid liao. Keep saying I ignore her all the way... DOTZ...

Tomorrow i'll be going back to camp again.. SUCKS..
luckily Before i go to hell i still get to go out and watch movie..
Haizzzz ARMY SUCKS BIG TIME...
I'm Mr Anti-Lee Kuan YOU!!!
Damn....
He's definitely going to hell..
Says who? U ask God above ba...
bye

berserk...

2008-01-11T06:25:00.000+08:00

I just don't know why, the more I want to love her, the
worse it will get. Why am I just like back to the old me?
I really have enough of all this... I dun wan to continue
making ppl angry for nothing....

But i seriously hope she'll be able to understand me,
and get over with it soon. I really dun wan to give her
any troubles again...

it hurts so deeply..

2008-01-09T15:17:00.000+08:00

Now I really felt what she felt that time...
How much pain I brought to her,
All these I can feel it now..

She says she's a changed person because of me..
I really dunno how to reply.. Coz
It's e fact that I caused her to changed so much.
And I should be staying far away from her,
Coz I was the one who hurt her so deep...

Ever since the day I left her,
Love has became such a big problem...
Perhaps this is what she called, Karma...

Moved Back!

2008-01-08T09:34:00.001+08:00

Finally move back my blog here le...
think that wordpress is kinda constraining
me from what I really want.
hahahahahha

Anyway please relink and tag and
do whatever you want..

CheerS!!!

2007-11-03T09:11:00.001+08:00

He Prepares Your Path

“I will go before you and make the crooked places straight…” (Isaiah 45:2 NKJV)

Do you ever feel like every time you try to move forward in something, you hit a roadblock? Something happens that throws you off course. Be encouraged today because right now in your life, God is going before you. He’s preparing a way. He’s making your crooked places straight. He’s making your rough places smooth. You may be going through a difficult time right now, but it’s not the end. It’s only the beginning. God has equipped you for this journey. You may feel like you’re in a dry season, but don’t look at your circumstances. Look at the promise of God today! If you’ll keep speaking words of faith, God promises that He’ll anoint your head with oil and your cup will run over. That means you’ll be refreshed and anointed to do what He’s called you to do. God is preparing your path and equipping you for the journey. What do you need today to keep moving forward? Start by checking your attitude. Don’t go around complaining and focused on the negative side of things. Put on an attitude of praise and thanksgiving. Thank Him for making your crooked places straight! As you do, you’ll move forward in joy and gladness in the blessed future He has prepared for you!

2007-11-01T23:29:00.000+08:00

from now on i'll blog more on my new blog,
www.leopardanditsspots.wordpress.com...

thanks for visiting!

2007-10-27T01:36:00.001+08:00

I LOVE YVONNE

I LOVE XIANG PING!!!

I'M GG CRAZY OVER HER!!!

ARGHHHHHH

2007-10-26T21:38:00.000+08:00

Another pathetic friday nite..
tot I can finally go out after
a whole week of being in camp,
but I forgot 1 thing.. I aint
have any friends to go out with..
so have to stay at home.

Is it that fucking hard to find
some good friends? I'm trying
to give up on love.. coz it hurts
a lot more.. Ppl can have company
for shopping, chit chatting or
juz walking around somewhere..
Me? I dont even have a friend to
share my problems with.. I'm always
the lone wanderer...
that's my fate.

Maybe that's what the real Ah Bao
looks like, and since I want to be
Ah Bao, I have to bear all the
consequences with that name..

What does the Real Ah BaO Name means
to me? hmmmmm
*Righteous
*Loyal
*No relationships
*Daring
*Betrayed
*Alone
*Trusting
*Violent
*Anti-social
*Willing to die for friends
*Put friends b4 Himself
*To be respected
blah blah blah...
Cant believe Ah Bao this name
is so heavy right?

Well these are also the characteristics
i wished to acquire.. I dun want to be
like some assholes who dun bother
bout friends.. or are afraid of death..
The world should have courageous ppl,
not ppl who are always petrified...

But love is a very complicated subject..
i may say i do not need it and want to
reject it now, but it's really hard.
It's impossible actually to not have any
love.. For love was instilled in us before
we were born..
Tha's why I still feel the painful side
effects of unwanted love.. and there
can never be a medicine for me.

2007-10-24T23:35:00.000+08:00

Lots of things are going through

my mind once again tonight..

I really dont know why my life

is so screwed up while others are

so worry-free and happy...

Dont have to worry bout wealth

or any other problems..

I just hope that everybody's life

will be screwed up.. the rich become

poor, the happy will be sad... those

families that are close will become

broken.. close siblings will hurt one

another.. all the wealthy ppl become

beggars.. all the pretty and handsome

ppl will become ugly.. Sons will kill

fathers, and daughters will kill mothers.

Everyone will hurt one another, and

there'll be no love, no peace, no hope

in this world.. Everyday will be having

war, and ppl will be crying everywhere...

that would be the perfect world I want..

where everyone's equal..

I want justice in this world.... Not

anything unfair shall exist here. God

MUST PUNISH EVERYONE WHO'S
HAVING A BETTER LIFE THAN
OTHERS!

2007-10-23T23:19:00.000+08:00

Everyday, I would always be thinking

when am I dying.. Maybe i didnt pray

hard enough to make myself dead,

but i really want to be dead..

It's really very painful living in this world..

can u guys pray for me to leave soon too?

I'll be very grateful to you.. serious..

you know, seeing the siblings, Ena

and Ming so close together, i suddenly

felt so alone..

Even though I have a family, They're just

like someone who's in the house.. but dun

have any close feelings at all.

so u guys better treasure what u have out

there.. coz there are a lot of things which

u have, and a lot of ppl yearn for it...

2007-10-23T22:35:00.000+08:00

dun understand what's wrong with

humans... they've been doing the same

things over and over again, and they wont

feel bored and sick of it...

Eat, Sleep, Play, Work...

Humans are really pathetic creatures

created by God in a mistake..

He should have never created us at all..

Just that His hand and mouth was itchy..

love, sad, happy.. all the emotions we

have in our heart is unnecessary..

He is really out to play us.. All just

because He's bored..

2007-10-21T22:44:00.001+08:00

As time goes by, i still love you
not a day goes by that I don't need you in my life
was it something that I did, tell me why
and i can't get pass the pain to you our love is just a memory
gradually, you slip away and all I can say is stay

can somebody please, stop this hurt inside
although, your love for me has changed
after all the pain you've cost that i still can't get you outta my mind
no matter what you say I can't let go

as time goes by will our memories fade
tell me how can you go on after all that we've been through
i don't wanna go on without you in my life
because in my heart i still believe that you will come back to me

i'm beggin' you please, stop this hurt inside
although, your love for me has changed
after all the pain you've cost i still can't get you outta my mind
no matter what you say I can't let go
do I ever cross your mind? do you even stop to cry?
in my heart you'll always stay, don't let us slip away
though I've tried I can't let go you're still the one for me
we can work it out in your love I still believe.. you are the one

2007-10-15T15:22:00.000+08:00

I WANT A SISTER TOO!!!

someone to talk to,

someone to fight with..

someone to eat with..

someone to share things with..

someone to be close to....

ARGHHHHH!!!!

God Born me the wrong way...

2007-10-12T19:55:00.000+08:00

nowadays, everyone just go out

on their own.. they wont bother to

ask, they juz dun wan to go out with that

person.. selfish bastards...

i'll really punch u in the face if i can..

life has never been this bored...

Cant find any friends to go out

after 5 days of working in camp.

Cant relax outside, no one to talk

to..

Some ppl are just fortunate arent

they? having ppl to talk to when they're

sad and in a down mood.. when they

need to talk to someone.. when they

need company. they have friends to

share things with, have friends to

play with.. but i wasnt born that

way.. I cant talk to anyone I know..

not even my family. everything burden

and unhappiness i have, i can only bury

it in me..

really dunno how to handle my

life anymore.. forgotten who I am,

what I want.. guess i'm juz livin

in my own world by myself now.

2007-10-12T00:01:00.000+08:00

U know, when ppl always tell me must

learn to let go, i've always wondered how

hard can it be... letting love go..

but now, I'm learning to let go of another

thing.. my life...

i think it's better letting go of your life

than anything else that bothers you...

2007-10-10T23:16:00.001+08:00

have u ever wonder what afterlife

looks like? Even before u say Heaven

to me, can u really describe it?

I've been feeling so paranoid and

depressed these few weeks, I cant

remember who's the real ah bao

anymore..

I've been focusin so much on love

and other bullshit, I've neglected

the true characteristic of the

real Ah BaO...

The real Ah Bao fights for friends,

do nothing to harm them.. and put

them first before himself...

what a true friend should be, and i'm

trying to achieve it.

For Nobody I know, not even in my

lcor gang, will care so much for friends

like the real Ah Bao did..

It's not really about caring so much,

but some lcor ppl dont even care for

friends.. i mean my friends out there..

really dunno what's going on in the

mind of teenagers nowadays,..

money? girlfriends? fun?..

What about friends? they dun really

remember what friends are anymore.

They're so obedient to their parents,

they should be hanged together with

them... Why cant u ppl like juz rebel

when your parents make u do something

u dont like?? Why the Fuck do u need

to listen to them when they spoil all

your fun? really dunno what are u

teenagers thinking..

screw your parents, dude..

and come join me..

2007-10-10T20:53:00.000+08:00

A few songs that I've listened
juz now on e mrt..

1. Qi Shi Hai Ai Ni (Ah Qin)
2. Ta Hai Shi Bu Dong (S.H.E)
3. Zhu Wo Sheng Ri Kuai Le (Wen Lan)
4. Dou Shi Ni (Guang Liang)
5. Shuo Ni Ai Wo (S.H.E)

U know, sometimes songs can really

change your mood suddenly, instantly..

I was taking e shuttle bus from camp,

and halfway through, i took out my ipod.

As i listen and listen, the lyrics made

my mind wander around..

Throughout the whole journey home,

i was walking very slowly..

(I used to rush home)

I kept thinking bout e past, what i enjoyed,

who was i with..

And when I walked pass couples, happily

holding hands... I almost started tearing..

Don't really know my emotion, but I juz

felt so sad then.. I really wished I could

just die on the spot.

All sorts of things was running aroun

in my mind..

But as i think and think, I came to a final

answer.. I will try my best now to forget

everything about love.. and live my life

without any of it. For I do not have any

from the start..

to be continued...

2007-10-10T17:22:00.000+08:00

I'm going crazy in ocs...

sooo freaking troublesome.

have to take 2 diff bus trip and

a mrt trip.. sooooooooo

tired of it.. I WANT AWOL!!!

zzzzz

bored bored bored..

how 2 survive for 1 year

plus this way??

ARGHHHHHHHH!!!!

2007-10-09T14:42:00.000+08:00

it was my fault..
shouldnt have started
this thing again...

Sorry

2007-10-08T22:18:00.001+08:00

it's really hard to want to

get back something u've lost.

Almost impossible...

So no matter what happens,

always take care of your

'Belongings'... so that none

of them will get lost....

2007-10-07T21:20:00.001+08:00

was sent home today by my friend

IN A BIKE!! zzzzz first time sitting

a bike, and i was like panicking

when he went fast... omg..

luckily i arrived home safely..

ahhahaha.....

2007-10-07T00:17:00.000+08:00

fucking hell...

who the fuck will go back

camp on sundays??

ccb...

Make me cannot go to

church for service

FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!

really cant take this shit

anymore..

going to awol if this continues..

fuck....

2007-10-05T21:37:00.000+08:00

Isn't it cute when your love gives u

an innocent "Orh" when you tell

her something?

Isnt it cute when your love tries

to show temper and attitude while

she try not to smile?

Isn't it cute when your love stomp

her lil feet on the ground wanting

u to pay attention to her?

Isn't it cute when your love juz

pops up from thin air and gives

u a sweet lil kiss?

2007-10-05T18:55:00.000+08:00

re-watched the Bleach movie,

and it made me so sad again...

I wanna be like Senna, who can

feel so happy and freely when

standing on top of tall things..

feels like all troubles are being

taken away from you..

this sun have to stay at camp, so

cant go church.. sadded.

cant join lcor, cant do stuffs..

army's totally screwed up..

haizz

2007-10-03T23:48:00.000+08:00

i seriously dun think it's wrong being too
emotional.. i've been through things u kids
wouldnt have ever gone through.. If u really
have experience something worse than me,
please do share with me..

if u dun really understand what I've gone through,
my family, my friends... please dun come and
talk cock here and try to act big..

to that particular "someone" who tagged my cbox,
take a look at ur age before u call me boy..
if u aint gone through nothing, then stfu..
U aint have the right to say anything about me at all.
quit bitching around and grow up before u talk to me.

U're really like those small lil friends who talk talk
talk talk a lot, and very loud.. but when things happen,
you're also the first one to deny creating the problem.
grow up k? then come and talk to me..

2007-10-02T21:41:00.000+08:00

I always needed time on my own

I never thought I'd need you there when I cry

And the days feel like years when I'm alone

And the bed where you lie is made up on your side

When you walk away I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you're gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you're gone

The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok

I miss you

I've never felt this way before

Everything that I do reminds me of you

And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor

And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do

When you walk away I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

We were made for each other

Out here foreverI know we were, yeah

All I ever wanted was for you to know

Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul

I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah

2007-10-02T08:09:00.001+08:00

i feel so stressed,

i feel so vexed..

But there's nothing to do,

that can make me relaxed..

I've tried pushing a button,

that says R-E-S-T-A-R-T..

But nothing ever changes,

I cant go back to the start..

But I will be strong,

I wont give up..

Coz Life will be better,

later in the part...

Coz i Know,

Somewhere during that part..

someone will be there,

to be with me from the start..

haiz.. nothing to do in office

so came out with this

rhyme thingy.. hhaha

thought it sounded sucky. zzz

I'm juz speaking rubbish that's

produced from my brain,

so dun really pay attention to

it ok?

Bye Bye!

2007-09-30T23:55:00.000+08:00

seeing her smile..

seeing her temper..

seeing her attitude..

shouting, walking away...

she hasnt' changed at all =.=...

but that's also a good point

coz she's still who I know

she was.. zzzzzz

Sooo anxious for this sat's

singing lesson...

I WANT TO JOIN WORSHIP

TEAM!!! dotz.. depends on my

voice le.. See ya

2007-09-29T18:52:00.000+08:00

PheW!!
My Mei finally replied my sms
and can joke with me le!!
almost got killed by her...
Becoz of something i did lor.
zzzzz
Thanks for your help miss mosquito!

today's sat, and i'm like
spending the whole day in camp..
dotzz. but luckily very slack de.
until i can sit office all day
and play my psp!! WoooHooo....
Tml gg to church again, and i'm
sooo happy...

shhhh gtg le.. byebye

2007-09-28T22:25:00.000+08:00

2007-09-28T18:34:00.000+08:00

so tired bout all these..

think it's better not to tink so

much.. bye

2007-09-27T23:08:00.000+08:00

there's a lot of things going through

my mind now.. thinking why are ppl

so selfish.. why do ppl dont treasure

friends as much as i do.. when can I

find a friend who treat friends best?

a lot of ppl really treat friends as juz

rubbish.. some hi-bye friends and stuffs.

my friends have always been giving

me this headache..

Ppl always say that U start treasuring

things only when they're gone.. it's

very true to me, but maybe not to you

all.. cause one day when I'm gone, I

dont think u ppl will even know when

I was dead, or what happened to me..

You'll juz find any new friend and will

forget me in a flash... just like what u all

are doing now...

Like what the Lord did, I can lay down my

life for u when you're in danger.. But how

many of u can even just shed one drop of

blood for me? NONE!!! that's why i say

u ppl are all selfish bastards.. but what to do?

men are born that way.. I'm juz an exception..

2007-09-27T20:15:00.000+08:00

You know, for a very long time, I've

been feeling unwanted, unloved..

No one really talks to me, understands

me, love me.. life is just terrible..

But today, while having dinner at home,

I came across a tv show.. there was this

western guy and a super tall guy, who

was frequently being called a freak by

the ppl in his country.. there was no one

to love him, want him, be there for him..

While they were chatting in the bed room,

the shorter guy told him of how unwanted

he felt, and how miserable his life was..

So the tall guy asked him..

Do u have a woman? (wife)...

Do u have a son?...

Do u have a mother?...

and when the shorter guy replied yes, the

taller guy told him.. Then why do u feel

unwanted? U have so many ppl who love

you while I have none..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

These words really touched my heart..

sometimes, we really focus on other ppl's

love so much so that we forgotten those

that has always been by our side, caring

for us.. When u've gotten love from the

person u wanted, and after a long time,

you'll forget the person who loved u and

start searching for another love...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This applies to our Father above too..

He loves us unconditionally, and even

before we were born.. but today, most of

the humans He created, has forgotten

about him.. some even chose to leave him,

not believing in him. They went to worship

other bullshit like stupid buddha and

whatever idols out there... He's really heart

broken..

For us christian, it's about the same..

loving God with just 10 or 70% is juz like

not loving him.. For u have to love the Lord

your God with all your heart, all your soul,

all your mind and all your strength...

If u struggle and strive to be 100% perfect,

or using 100% of what u can to study for

exams, to play, to enjoy life, to earn money..

Why cant u use 100% to love Him?

Do u love money or Him?

You all can sing to worship Him but when U

sing, are u really worshipping Him or u

just wanna sing??

I know I'm a bad example of a Christian too..

I smoke, I scold.. I dun pay attention in church.

that's why i'm saying all these... we need to

seriously think about what we want to be..

a 100% Christian, or a 10% one...

My brothers and Sisters.. God is crying for us.

He knows there are many fake christians around.

When He comes back again, it'll be judgement day.

there wont be peace, but crying and shouting all

around.. For most of the ppl, will fall into the hands

of satan... Pray hard guys... You can do it...

2007-09-27T20:13:00.000+08:00

u know I juz realised I am not
allowed to use msn and blog in camp..
zzzzz that'll be so bored if i stay in lor.
DOTZ

2007-09-26T23:01:00.000+08:00

I look up

as a tear rolls slowly

down my cheek

I think about better days

and wonder if I'll feel that way again

you look at me

with those eyes I know so well

always serious, so deep and insightful

as though you're always in control

But not today

not now

Now you look so scared

like for once you don't have the answer

I gaze at you

looking deep into those hazel eyes

Hoping to understand

why you've said those things you did

I wonder for a moment

if this is all a dream

if I shall wake in the morning

and be relieved

you look at me

with a confusion I have never seen

slowly pull me towards you

and wipe the tears from my cheek

2007-09-26T22:57:00.000+08:00

I loved you once, nor can this heart be quiet..

For it would seem that love still lingers there..

But do not you be further troubled by it..

I would in no wise hurt you my dear..

I loved you without hope, a mute offender...

What jealous pangs, what shy despairs I knew..

A love as deep as this, as true, as tender,

God grant another may yet offer you..

I love you..

2007-09-26T20:31:00.000+08:00

Psssstt..... Guess what? I'm in
camp rite now.. hahaha.. have
to stay in lor.. so cant go back!!
zzzz but luckily can use the internet.
hahahaha feel so at home..

anyway, i'm still bored coz no one
talk to me.. soo lonely.. no one
to sms with, no one to chat..
DOTZ..

anything faster sms or call
me k?? hahaha.... i'm watching
you-tube and crunchyroll now..
hahahahahah... cant believe can
do this in camp rite??

okok.. nothing more to say le..
BYE BYE!!!

2007-09-24T21:49:00.000+08:00

Well, went to my new posted camp today,

the OCS. At first I thought I'll be dead, coz

training will be tough, but it wasnt... yet.

Today i juz mainly helped out with the

store, coz I'm the storeman here..

Being a perm staff here is definitely better

than being one of the Officer Cadets...

No marching when going from place to

place.. Lots of free time.. blah blah blah..

I still havent seen the dark hours in here..

we'll see!!

only bad thing is that I cant BOOK OUT

everyday. zzzz coz there has to be a storeman

on duty even at night, so we'll have to take

turns going home on alternate days... SUCKS

nothing more le ba.. Byebye!!

2007-09-24T00:38:00.000+08:00

I WILL NEVER SAY I LOVE YOU
FOREVER AGAIN.. COZ NO ONE
WILL BE ABLE TO DO THAT EXCEPT
OUR FATHER ABOVE!

haha.. sat was also quite fun, though
there were only Mei, Ming, Dan and
me...
We went to church for a talk, and
disappointedly, only 4 of us turned up.
guess no one really bothers bout this
kinda talk.. Losers!...

after talk we went for movie at the
cathay building, Rogue Assasin..

this movie was quite boring... coz cant
really understand the storyline, and
Jet li didnt had much actions flying
all over.. boooooo!!!

Then went over to paradiz to collect
SOPHIA's Ez link, coz last week she
left it there after lan gaming.. Dan
went home le..motHER SCOLD!! zzz

We had dinner at billy bombers, and
ate a roast chicken or whatever..
didnt really taste special.. too normal..
talked cock there, while ming went to
SHIT again.. dotz

SuDdenly, my pal VIRUS called me,
asking me to meet him and accompany
him cos he's bored.. so ming and mei
ended up accompanying me while I was
accompanying virus..zzz we walked all the
way from cathay building to arab street!
cool huh!!! hahahaa..

So we had SEEEEEESHAAAA over there.
2 days straight smoking seesha for me...
but mango flavour was quite nice compared
to the apple/grape that I had.. smoked from
around 12am-2am.. then virus's friend came,
so i faster escaped and took cab home with
ming and mei... the tab was on virus also!
hahahah... he's such a good girlfriend to me..
zzzzz
lalallaallalalalalala

IF I SAY I DONT LOVE YOU,

I'M A REAL BAD LIAR!!!

2007-09-22T12:31:00.000+08:00

Ok Guys... BLOG REOPENED!!!
zzzzz it was juz closed for such a
short while..

Anyway changed skin again, and
I SUPER LOVE THIS!! coz this
was from the movie BLEACH!!!!
and Senna was such a wonderful
character.. Wont be changing skin
for a long time le..

Last nite went to celebrate Nic's
birthday with prem. went to the same
marina for steamboat, thought it
was quite late, we still had fun though.
After eating, we WALKED to the
marina mrt coz I was so FULL that
I need to walk... past time also..

Took a cab, blah blah blah.. went
over to a place for the stupid thingy
called seesha, err is it spelt this way?
whatever la.. it's the kinda smoking
thingy.. and It SUCKED... the taste
was damn weird, but Nic was like
having fun.. hahaha well at least
the birthday boy's happy..

Then we went over to pool fusion in
bugis, at around 3am.. played for a
while, watched tv, and the tyra bank
show got special appearance by midgets.
one of em was a 25 yr old woman, who's
shorter than Ethan.. if u all know who he
is.. maybe around the height of jolene..
they're very cute though...

Reached home around 5am, and went
to sleep straight away le..

2007-09-20T00:47:00.000+08:00

BLOG CLOSED!!!

WILL RESUME WHEN TIME COMES..

MAYBE 1 Month, MAYBE 2...

JUZ CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE...

IT BRINGS BACK AND REMINDS ME
OF SO MANY SAD MEMORIES....

BYE

2007-09-19T23:25:00.000+08:00

hahaha...

sorry guys.. I've Moved

back to this address le..

I think this blog name suits

me better... ThankS!!

2007-09-16T08:12:00.001+08:00

Will be changing my blog address

soon... will update u guys bout it k..

full of disappointments...

2007-09-15T18:43:00.000+08:00

life's really terrible... ask me what
have i ever succeeded in doing, I
have nothing to say.. coz i have
no success in my life.. not even one.

can I die now pleaseeee?
haiz.. wondering what's gonna
happen to me next.. life's a burden.

The Lord did not come to bring us
peace, but judgement... Judge me now
Lord, and throw me either to hell
or heaven.. it's all up to you.. juz let
me go now...

2007-09-14T23:51:00.001+08:00

these few days have been eating

and eating... last nite went to

marina south for steamboat with

my Bunkmates, BMT buddies..

Today, went to east coast restaurant

for dinner with ah yi and family to

celebrate Gabriel and Er Jie's

birthday lor.. ate till very very full

again... die die.. gained 5 kgs... zzzz

really dunno what to do with the

word LOVE... it's sooo damnn complicated.

well, i think it's better to juz take a step

at a time.. in case anything goes wrong

again... dun want history to repeat itself..

Bye Bye!

2007-09-13T12:12:00.000+08:00

been troubled lately...
don't really know how to
handle this kinda things..
it's actually easy to solve,
but I juz dont dare to solve
it.... though not 100% yet,
but believe it or not.. I'm
still lovin u...

juz waiting for it to turn 100%..

2007-09-12T23:10:00.000+08:00

2007-09-12T12:56:00.000+08:00

juz watched Bleach the movie...
real touching, almost started to
cry... really getting kind of
emotional nowadays... don't
really know how to handle it..

so Guys, xiao mei and ming...
if sometimes u suddenly see me
look bored or sian, it's not that
I dont enjoy ur company.. I
DO enjoy ur company a lot, but
sometimes I juz thought of some
things and felt very sad at that
time... I'm sorry.

Senna's a very nice name...

Got it from Bleach movie...
If one day in the future, God allows
me to get married and have a
daughter, I'll name her Senna or
Tento... Tento in chinese means
Heaven.. as in "Tian Tang"... sounds
so sweet. only If I am able to have
a daughter.....

2007-09-12T10:32:00.000+08:00

Finally... Pass out from tekong

le.. phew...

my feelings are mixed up now...

dunno what to say..

good bye

2007-09-08T00:42:00.000+08:00

finally... 4 more days to POC...

4 more days before I can finally
leave tekong... but i'll miss all of

my buddies there.. haiz..

I'm going to MDC (Music Drama

Company) tml for audition, coz

the army life there is like Singing,

dancing... fun things! so i hope tml

i'll pass the audition... lalalallaala

but there's still a hole in my heart..

why do i keep feeling that way?

Like what's in my blog song,

"Ai Wo, Fei Ni Mo Shu..."

missing you always...

2007-09-02T01:26:00.001+08:00

finally... after lots of consideration
and stuffs, i've picked the best
song I liked so far for my blog..
FEI NI MO SHU!!!
it sounds so romantic, and it
totally speaks of how i feel....

My bunk mate, NAZRY KAFFY
wanted me to post his name,
coz he deserted me during field
camp!! He Reported sick on the
first day and left me to die alone..
i was made to keep the so-called
tent alone, and carry it for him...
BULLSHIT!!!!

okok..
tired le..
tml gg church.. feel soo happy!!!
See ya!

need to be loved seriously..

2007-09-01T17:52:00.000+08:00

Hi Ppl!
I'm back from field camp!!

super tiring and fun..

hahahah but anyway, it's

over le so Thank God!!!

Firstly i want to thank

God for helping me all this

while, being there for me..

2ndly to my friends, who

talked to me and supported

me too.. especially steph,

who said field camp's Fun!!

i really wanna kidnap her

and bring her to tekong for

training... zzzzz

hmmm... anyway 10 days

more to POC, and will be posted

to another unit le.. soo happiee.

but somthing still bothers me a

lot.. same old thing that I can

never forget.. haiz..

God bless my soul...

2007-08-25T22:51:00.000+08:00

Sat, 25/08/2007

It's been almost a month since

I enlisted in army.. life in army

is quite ok, coz i am in PES C..

so.. lalalalalal...but next week

IPPT test andfield camp!!!

ArGhhhhH!!!

Today went to church to meet

my gang.. then went for dinner

with Mei, Ming, Wei, Lc, Doris,

Jennifer and Andy... went to

the sunshine plaza for the

Infamous 1-ton mee... ahhaha

chatted for quite a while too..

Dinner was on LC's tab.. haha

after 1-ton mee, we went to

another infamous Tau-Huay

stall... this time tab's on

Andy.. haha . going out with

adults always have a good point

rite?. zzzzzzz after that

still got LC drive me home..

hahahhaa... feel soo carefree..

love my friends so much..

btw here are e pics on my Bdae.

juz gotten it from xiao mei..Tadah!!

2007-08-25T10:08:00.000+08:00

this week i had live firing and

grenade lessons... now i know

that firing a machine gun can be

very fun.. if only i could fire it

at myself.. hahaa..

I've been making myself not

to think about her, but i keep

failing to do so.. I wonder what

the f is going on.. I really dont

wanna live this misery anymore..

but I juz cant let it go..

it's juz really so hard to find someone

who loves you when you're juz an

ordinary looking person..

sighh..

2007-08-19T08:42:00.000+08:00

Sat, 18/08/07...

day when i was born..

Went out early morning to Singapore

Discovery Centre at 0830 becoz the

leopard company was supposed to

have a tour there... luckily i wasnt late

becoz i'll get a confinement if i do.. zzz

after SDC tour, went to jurong point

with my bunk mates to have lunch

there.. jurong point was like surrounded

by recruits from leopard company... haha

at around 5+pm, my mom ordered pizza,

and she even went to buy a cake for me..

so i juz eat and eat, tryin to figure out

how am i going to eat steamboat later..

zzzz

anyway I went out at around 8pm, and

i took cab to marina south becoz i didnt

want to be too late.. but something cocked

up.. the expressway was heavily jammed

becoz stupid singaporeans wanted to catch

the pathetic fireworks, and thus, making

me even more late.. screw those ppl...

met up with them after i got there, and xiao

mei kept cooking chicken and asking me to

eat.. but i ate quite a lot of it also la.. if not

later she make noise again.. zzz..

took photos with LCOR gang.. and ah pang

complained i didnt want to take with her..

so i took around 4-5 shots juz with her.. haha

she very easy mood swing de.. confirm is that

"thing" come le lor.. anyway it was nice to see

her smiling again...

then suddenly, dunno where.. popped up a

cake, and they sang birthday song so loudly,

i tried to take cover asap... luckily there was

not many ppl. all of em wrote "letters" for me,

and i got a massager, a bottle of sweets and

chocolates, and a pack of cards on 'God's promises"

.... thanks guys.. appreciate it...

after makaning, xiao mei, ming, wei and me

went over to royal, becoz i still have balance

over there.. so we went. xiao mei kpt trying to

make me drink, but in the end... i didnt went

down. we opened another bottle of vodka, and

rp was about closing soon, so we have to keep

drinking and drinking.. super thick lor the

vodka. haha..

so in the end, xiao mei ended up being drunk,

and i took a lot of pics when she was drunk..

hahaha will update those pics next week coz

havent got it from xiao mei and i'm booking in

tonight le.. sad.

really enjoyed the company of you guys, and

thanks for being there.. i really love u guys

a lot a lot.. XIAO MEI especially... BeCoz

She Got druNk whilE TrYing To MAke mE

dRunK!!! Hahaahhaha....

ok guys.. see u next week...

ah bao.

2007-08-12T21:47:00.000+08:00

sometimes, i feel so alone...

cant find any friends, not even

one.. everyone's so busy with

their own business..

It's worse in army.. so i'll always

sing one song, "Home"...

it's a Ndp Song By Young Voices..

and i love it a lot.. got to know this

song when I was in prison.. so it

Brings back a lot of memories..

Being in army is juz like being

in prison.. freedom lost, and

being ordered around like a dog.

when I thought of the song,

it lyrics... i feel so upset..

ppl have friends always there

for them.. being with them

during sad and happy days..

but i juz cant find mine...

it's just so hard.

Whenever I am feeling low
I look around me and I know
There's a place that will stay within me
Wherever I may choose to go
I will always recall the city
Know every street and shore
Sail down the river which brings us life
Winding through my Singapore

This is Home, truly
Where I know I must be
Where my dreams wait for me
Where that river always flows
This is home, surely
As my senses tell me
This is where I won't be alone
For this is where I know it's home

When there are troubles to go through
We'll find a way to start anew
There is comfort in the knowledge
That homes about its people too
So we'll build our dreams together
Just like we've done before
Just like the river which brings us life
There'll always be Singapore

This is Home, truly
Where I know I must be
Where my dreams wait for me
Where that river always flows
This is home, surely
As my senses tell me
This is where I won't be alone

For this is where I know it's home
(For this is where I know, I'm HOME)

2007-08-11T22:14:00.000+08:00

for past few days since i booked out,

have been shopping and eating like

no one's business.. zzzzzz

bought t shirts... accessories.. snow

cap.. chains.. stuffs... meeting ah girl

for past 3 days le... gg crazy..

but suddenly when thinking of

booking in again, whole mood

spoiled.. zzz i want to take MC!!

tml before gg church go see doc..

Muahahaha....